Letra de Australian idol

I was having a bad week ? I crashed the car and the cat carked it
Weighed myself outside Woolies and I´d put on 4 kilos

Arranged to meet an old friend for coffee
I poured my heart out ? told her all about
Poor dead fluffy, and the bloody car, and did she think I should go on a diet?

She studied my face, trying to frame the words to say
Just the right blend of sympathy and advice
She took a big breath. And looked into my eyes and she said:

You should go on Australian Idol!
Even if you don´t win, you´ll have a great time.
Don´t worry that you don´t look like a supermodel
They´re even letting fatties on there now so you should be fine.

I said ´Thanks, I feel a lot better now´
Then I erased her number from my phone
I didn´t know how much we´d grown apart.

The very next day was my birthday.
No one called, except my grandma
And she was drunk, she just needed a lift home from the pub

Then that Sunday night, I went to dinner with my rellies
They said ´Happy Birthday! Do you mind if we put the tv on?
It´s nearly the final of Australian Idol and

You should go on Australian Idol
You´re much prettier than her ? she looks like a pudding
´You´ll win it no worries love´ said my uncle
And I just turned and looked at him like he was something that I stood in.

And don´t get me wrong ? if I turn on the tv and it´s on
I can´t stop watching. Even with the ads
Even with those two dickheads blabbing on between songs
I love to see their spirits crushed, their egos shattered
I love the ones that really suck in the first auditions
I love to watch them sob, their dreams in tatters
And I laugh while I eat my dinner
They´re crying in their 5-star hotel, and I´m cackling on my cack-brown couch
And it´s not that I am jealous, I´m not jealous, I´m not jealous.
The next Sunday, I had a pretty bad hangover

Feeling pretty grumpy
Sitting on the couch, eating Pringles feeling sorry for myself.
I flipped to Channel 10 and before I knew it I was watching a really short guy
Singing that really annoying song by Craig David.

Suddenly I rose to my feet ? it must have been divine intervention
I saw the light in front of me, and I screamed!

Why am I watching Australian Idol? (God! )
Am I really reduced to this pitiful state? Jesus!
I may as well just head down to my local karaoke bar
Or better still just change to SBS.
You better believe it ? I changed to SBS
So Marcia, Dicko, whatever your name is...
Shove it up your ass!